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I used to be a kick ass gamer

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Mar. 10th, 2013 | 01:56 am
mood: tiredtired

Before I got married... actually make that 12 years ago I was a hardcore gamer. I spent all my money buying the latest graphics cards and wanting to get into game development. Today I tried leveling Sinetheo.

Sinetheo is my level 30 Sith Jagguarant Tank in Star Wars the Old Republic. I am doing the class quest at choke point to find out where the jedi padawans family is so I can lure her in and finish Chapter 1 of my episode.

I am getting my ass kicked in and it is embarrassing. No I should not need all blue gear for non-raiding class quest. I blew $10,000 credits upgrading my lightsaber, pants, and an implant. I upgraded Quincy too as he is my healer sidekick I choose to take with my mission and he is pretty decently geared. His guns suck but he is on med watch and I am more concerned with keeping him alive than for him to do DPS.

He died in 2 or 3 hits when the elite droids came and I died shortly after. I am thinking of upgrading just one thing because it has a +12 defense rating, but I lose my crit and endurance and the item rating is similar. At this point I do not think that one change will make that much of a difference after the other changes I made.

I was embarrassed when I played Wow. I lost my game compared to my exwife as I lost interest in playing and was more concerned about doing other things job related or looking. I am an oddball. I need to work more but I am a workaholic at the same time when the opportunity arises. I want results and figured I will not get them by playing video games while I throw up my hands in the air and whine woe is me crap!

Job Prospects
I am about to quit that game. When I am not working I want to do training for my job or do more math work if I want to quit and become a teacher. Free time I need to get rid of entirely as I plan to work a 2nd job again next month after I pass the math exam. The pay is shit for what I am doing at my company and need to work extra to make up for it if I want to get ahead. Do not get me wrong I am grateful I have a job. But, I can't get that nice house and a new car again unless I either get a better job or work a 2nd one. This is the new economic reality of the U.S. in the 21st century sadly. Gone are the days where you can work a minimum wage job for 40 hours a week and still love independently and have a car, apartment, and food and beer money left over. You need 60 hours a week to eat or starve.

I am not making minimum wage THANK GOD. But I really feel sorry for those making $10 - $12 an hour and wonder how they survive? Especially many with student loans and earn that much as new decent paying jobs are available for college grads are sadly $10 -$12 an hour. In my teacher training program there are 2 college grads in with a degree in Chemistry and another in Pyschics! One working for $10/hr at BestBuy geeksquad and another living at home with his parents with no job after 2 years. Wow ..

So they are giving up and learning to be teachers.

Working for free
Speaking of which I worked nearly 60 hours and got paid only for 36 .?! I am not pleased. I do not have time to study for the teacher math test when I get home at 7:30 at night and after dinner need to go to bed to get up at 5:45 to start over again. They are so ridiculous understaffed that I am being pulled by VPs, project managers, and others demanding I drop what I am doing right now! I have a report due tomorrow OMG! etc at 5:01pm so I work for free for 2 hours so I do not get fired. ... then problem not fixed so I have to come in early and work for free off the clock again etc. So it is my problem that the accountants wanted to save money by having one man do the work of 2 for 2/3 the pay.

A famous consulting company called me and want to pull me from my other employer (will not mention name this time because it is public entry) and they have some opportunities for a more stable work environment and much better pay and hours. :-) I love working overtime but if I do not get paid benefits and a salary in line to what other people in the field make I become resentful. This is hurting my long term career options to reward the bean counters who hire H1b1 visa people and outsourcers because they are willing to work for 1/2 the price of an American for lots of hours.

... wait didn't I just say I should be happy I have a job? So there you go Cognitive Dissonance ringing loudly.

My contract is until May 12th. At the end of the month I will start applying again and take the risk. Not because I hate work or I am a quitter but because I am not sure how stable this job is? Out of 2 years they have went thru 5 people. I am a cost and not welcomed. I need a wakeup call that unless you are a sales, beancounter, or engineer/producer, you are not valued in today's workforce. It is very lean and process driven. You can't win in a losing situation and this field is dying. In 10 years people will be carrying IPADs to work with no computers and all I.T. will be on the cloud. Just log into a website and go work. The cloud can be done in any 3rd world country for cost containment. This is the thought with staring my own business or teaching. Business owners are profiting greatly from this and making more money than ever. You can't outsource a teacher ... yet.

My reflection on the whole I.T. field
In the old days steam engineers, electrical engineers, candle makers, and other more obsolete jobs were common for any employer if you wanted to survive. Do companies use them today? Or do they pay the electric company a bill to keep the lights on? Same concept.  I got a degree and planned to be an architect and part of the business process planning and make a lot of money. Not being viewed as that jerk who runs around clicking things on a mouse all day. I find it insulting that I am considered a helpdesk guy who adds no value. That does not utilize my skills and appearently not valued as they are not an I.T. company.

Thinking about doing more web development and virtualization studies on my computer
I would prefer to do this than play gaming or even studying math work. After being gone for so long I just do not have that much willpower left to get anything done. I purposedly removed any productivity software besides Office from my computer as I should only be doing mathwork and working right now. Of course if I work a 2nd job I wont have time to better myself but I would be able to handle my student loans and other debt better.

I think I deserve more in life. I never thought I would want to become a teacher to earn more money. I can get paid more than a teacher if I can find permanent contract. What I like about it is I can give up on trying to better myself and just focus on going to work and having a stable penchant so I can retire in 25 years. I will still better myself but I wont have to stress about working 2 jobs anymore or if I can have a house like normal people have by their 30s.

I got screwed pretty bad twice in my life. Once as a young adult delaying my career. Another the past couple of years after I graduating in 2009 in the worst job market in 70 years. I am proud of myself for finding work subing and I.T. contracting. :-) I have it better than many out of work who are at McDonalds now. It seems logical to focus my career on it as I have experience. I just wish I could juggle 2 things better and could do computer stuff, mathwork and have a job at the same time. Not only focus on work from the day I get up to the moment I go to sleep. That is frustrating.

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