Another random post (2 years later)

Most everyone I assume has moved on like I have from livejournal many years ago (myself included).

If anyone still reads this

Here is my update:
1. I live in Houston, TX now
2. I got my career back on track
3. I recovered from my divorce 5 years ago (I have not posted in a long time) and had my first post relationship. It did not work out, but for me it was a success.
4. I need to focus now in my later mid adult life. Alot of things have changed since 2004

A dream, new path, but what

Driving in a car (my older blue one I left in another chapter in my life) thinking about which house I am going to live and what I want to do in my life next.

I move forward and turn slightly left. The homes are getting crappier and crappier. In the distance I can see a forest. A place where I wanted to be back from another state.

I decided I needed to change directions as I could not see anywhere but in front. I was nervous and unsettled about this prospect. I turned into a driveway and decided WHAT THE HELL. I turned around and did a U-TURN.

Immediately now in front of me was another GORGOUS mountain view lake and a lush paradise below :-D The exact opposite direction I have been traveling all along. I am already high on another mountain where I am trying to find myself.

Jubilant, I hit the gas as I enter the new destination. Before I can come down there are some VERY steep steps I need to cross before I hit the bottom and continue to the lake and lush landscape of my future home.

My car turns into a bike and I make it through each step with determination, not nervousness or pessimism difficulty but surely. Right when I hit the bottom and prepare for the final push ... I wake up.

Car meaning: Cars represent your path in life. -eg. If you are in passenger you are not in control etc. In my case I need to change direction with my life.

Mountain meaning: To see mountains in your dream signify many major obstacles and challenges that you have to overcome. If you are on top of the mountain, then it indicates that you have achieved and realized your goals. You have recognized your full potential. Alternatively, mountains denote a higher realm of consciousness, knowledge, and spiritual truth.

I need to give up something totally for me to see and go where I want/need to go.

But what is the question?

If I understand this properly after going to, it means I need to throw away my successes and hard earned achievements to find propserity and serenity? That so does not make any sense ...

I have major sunburn

I decided to go for a swim in the 85 degree bath water (30 for my European and Canadian friends) in white sand beaches. Man the UV reflection got me pretty good and the clear water didnt help

Why do I attract such women

Why do freaks and rude women have the highest % on okcupid?

Do I really attract these kinds of women? Or am I an elitist jerk who pisses people off? For the women I have hit on, flirted with, or had a relationship with on my friends here do I have an anger issue or do something so ordinately offensive? Both 90% and a 94% match.
Avg_manofmystery: Entomologist?
Bugglady:Gee what gave it away?
Avg_manofmystery: A buggy lady who wants a man not afraid of insects just may be a clue
Bugglady: Wow you have a brain
Avg_manofmystery: Wow you are an ****
.... next lovely potential mate

Avg_manofmystery: How did you become so blessed to afford to travel everywhere with such an understanding employer?
SexyNomadicNerd: No one said I paid for it all. And no one said I was working
Avg_manyofmystery: (Still being nice though I thought her tone was pretentious) Lucky
SexyNomadicNerd:I do not believe in luck. Just hard work, dedication and creating the circumstances around you.
Avg_manofmystery: ... or have bills to pay. While one can save to do these things there is always a risk of a resume hole. Anyway I think your travels around the world are cool
SexyNomadicNerd: Clearly you did not understand what I said Prior!
SexyNomadicNerd: I am not an idot! Please do not assume I make such poor choices.
Avg_manofmystery: You are a little too touchy for my tastes. Take care

.... this continued to
Avg_manofmystery: Well fine. As long as I get to get away from this moronic conversation with some stranger I never met then all the better. Good luck to you too!
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Good way to keep my mind off of work

You know after 10 years trolling people with this is never old. I just told a Canadian friend of my mine about the worst scarring internet meme of all time. Nothing graphic here, but reactions of people pranked in Chatrollette.

Funny as hell!

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I used to be a kick ass gamer

Before I got married... actually make that 12 years ago I was a hardcore gamer. I spent all my money buying the latest graphics cards and wanting to get into game development. Today I tried leveling Sinetheo.

Sinetheo is my level 30 Sith Jagguarant Tank in Star Wars the Old Republic. I am doing the class quest at choke point to find out where the jedi padawans family is so I can lure her in and finish Chapter 1 of my episode.

I am getting my ass kicked in and it is embarrassing. No I should not need all blue gear for non-raiding class quest. I blew $10,000 credits upgrading my lightsaber, pants, and an implant. I upgraded Quincy too as he is my healer sidekick I choose to take with my mission and he is pretty decently geared. His guns suck but he is on med watch and I am more concerned with keeping him alive than for him to do DPS.

He died in 2 or 3 hits when the elite droids came and I died shortly after. I am thinking of upgrading just one thing because it has a +12 defense rating, but I lose my crit and endurance and the item rating is similar. At this point I do not think that one change will make that much of a difference after the other changes I made.

I was embarrassed when I played Wow. I lost my game compared to my exwife as I lost interest in playing and was more concerned about doing other things job related or looking. I am an oddball. I need to work more but I am a workaholic at the same time when the opportunity arises. I want results and figured I will not get them by playing video games while I throw up my hands in the air and whine woe is me crap!

Job Prospects
I am about to quit that game. When I am not working I want to do training for my job or do more math work if I want to quit and become a teacher. Free time I need to get rid of entirely as I plan to work a 2nd job again next month after I pass the math exam. The pay is shit for what I am doing at my company and need to work extra to make up for it if I want to get ahead. Do not get me wrong I am grateful I have a job. But, I can't get that nice house and a new car again unless I either get a better job or work a 2nd one. This is the new economic reality of the U.S. in the 21st century sadly. Gone are the days where you can work a minimum wage job for 40 hours a week and still love independently and have a car, apartment, and food and beer money left over. You need 60 hours a week to eat or starve.

I am not making minimum wage THANK GOD. But I really feel sorry for those making $10 - $12 an hour and wonder how they survive? Especially many with student loans and earn that much as new decent paying jobs are available for college grads are sadly $10 -$12 an hour. In my teacher training program there are 2 college grads in with a degree in Chemistry and another in Pyschics! One working for $10/hr at BestBuy geeksquad and another living at home with his parents with no job after 2 years. Wow ..

So they are giving up and learning to be teachers.

Working for free
Speaking of which I worked nearly 60 hours and got paid only for 36 .?! I am not pleased. I do not have time to study for the teacher math test when I get home at 7:30 at night and after dinner need to go to bed to get up at 5:45 to start over again. They are so ridiculous understaffed that I am being pulled by VPs, project managers, and others demanding I drop what I am doing right now! I have a report due tomorrow OMG! etc at 5:01pm so I work for free for 2 hours so I do not get fired. ... then problem not fixed so I have to come in early and work for free off the clock again etc. So it is my problem that the accountants wanted to save money by having one man do the work of 2 for 2/3 the pay.

A famous consulting company called me and want to pull me from my other employer (will not mention name this time because it is public entry) and they have some opportunities for a more stable work environment and much better pay and hours. :-) I love working overtime but if I do not get paid benefits and a salary in line to what other people in the field make I become resentful. This is hurting my long term career options to reward the bean counters who hire H1b1 visa people and outsourcers because they are willing to work for 1/2 the price of an American for lots of hours.

... wait didn't I just say I should be happy I have a job? So there you go Cognitive Dissonance ringing loudly.

My contract is until May 12th. At the end of the month I will start applying again and take the risk. Not because I hate work or I am a quitter but because I am not sure how stable this job is? Out of 2 years they have went thru 5 people. I am a cost and not welcomed. I need a wakeup call that unless you are a sales, beancounter, or engineer/producer, you are not valued in today's workforce. It is very lean and process driven. You can't win in a losing situation and this field is dying. In 10 years people will be carrying IPADs to work with no computers and all I.T. will be on the cloud. Just log into a website and go work. The cloud can be done in any 3rd world country for cost containment. This is the thought with staring my own business or teaching. Business owners are profiting greatly from this and making more money than ever. You can't outsource a teacher ... yet.

My reflection on the whole I.T. field
In the old days steam engineers, electrical engineers, candle makers, and other more obsolete jobs were common for any employer if you wanted to survive. Do companies use them today? Or do they pay the electric company a bill to keep the lights on? Same concept.  I got a degree and planned to be an architect and part of the business process planning and make a lot of money. Not being viewed as that jerk who runs around clicking things on a mouse all day. I find it insulting that I am considered a helpdesk guy who adds no value. That does not utilize my skills and appearently not valued as they are not an I.T. company.

Thinking about doing more web development and virtualization studies on my computer
I would prefer to do this than play gaming or even studying math work. After being gone for so long I just do not have that much willpower left to get anything done. I purposedly removed any productivity software besides Office from my computer as I should only be doing mathwork and working right now. Of course if I work a 2nd job I wont have time to better myself but I would be able to handle my student loans and other debt better.

I think I deserve more in life. I never thought I would want to become a teacher to earn more money. I can get paid more than a teacher if I can find permanent contract. What I like about it is I can give up on trying to better myself and just focus on going to work and having a stable penchant so I can retire in 25 years. I will still better myself but I wont have to stress about working 2 jobs anymore or if I can have a house like normal people have by their 30s.

I got screwed pretty bad twice in my life. Once as a young adult delaying my career. Another the past couple of years after I graduating in 2009 in the worst job market in 70 years. I am proud of myself for finding work subing and I.T. contracting. :-) I have it better than many out of work who are at McDonalds now. It seems logical to focus my career on it as I have experience. I just wish I could juggle 2 things better and could do computer stuff, mathwork and have a job at the same time. Not only focus on work from the day I get up to the moment I go to sleep. That is frustrating.

I plan to move in June 2014 to Alaska

My new plan. By June 2014 I shall be moving to Alaska to start my new life.

It is official and this is my plan. Everything I do from this point on will either move me closer or further from where I want to be. I do not know exactly how it will work out and what changes may occur but it is the plan.

For me to be ready to pack the car in June 2014 I need to have
1. Dad paid off 50% off with $10,000 cash on hand in savings
2. A year teaching with temporary teaching credential
3. Highly preferible to be highly qualified to teach highschool math and a business endorsement
4. 1 year teaching in Florida in any capacity
5. Pass the math test in 4 weeks.
6. Keep my job at Compucom or it may not happen at all without great difficulty
7. Maybe work some extra hours tutoring or BestBuy stuff before this fall for a few hours to gain a few thousand extra dollars
8. A very tight and detailed budget and plan!

My new job is a ton of work even if it is a temp job which may become permanent.

I do not know if it is the right decision but not making one is the worst. If I fail I fail and I do not want that this time in my life. At least I knew I tried. Whatever the costs I will do for my happiness.

Get to keep my job after a discussion with management

I wrote an email explaining that I can't get 152 users upgraded 4 at a time with telephone tag with a phone with no voicemail in a week and a half. I went on explaining what I needed done and came up with the idea of mass emailings that they must bring all computers to me or I will remove them from the list to upgrade.

Management approved finally, but now comes the fun part of practice. I stayed late for free off the click today for several hours with more broken computers to meet my quota. Tomorrow I plan to do another 12 to 14 hour shift and then come home and do homework. I am getting sore for being on my feet but I am losing weight even if I eat like a pig if I am working all day. I tested the lab today and the engineers still have not connected the ethernet hubs yet. So I will have to do them at my desk with a 4 port switch.

So I got another car now which I do not want as it is a luxury car that does not get great gas mileage. It is a Hyundai g350.

I got my test results back and I failed the math exam to teach with a 195, but only needed a 200. UGH so damn close! The good news is I can study again and pass it. I forgot the trig. There were also weird things with conjugents that I forgot where they tested the theory more than the application.

Nielsen is getting better. I sadly hope they do not hire me. I want more money and I have to make a decision on whether to stay in I.T. or give up that career field and go teach instead. I hate doing just one thing and not growing more in salary and responsibility. To me without that challenge it feels like a job rather than a self identity I had for myself since I was a child. Maybe a guy thing?

I had a romantic interest for the first time since post divorce. However, she changed and I think ran away from me. She stopped texting me back and deleted her facebook which I found odd. She is just a friend anyway but when I almost got that job in San Diego I thought about spending some time with her. Did I scare her off? I did not hit on her at all recently. I kept asking her how her day was and what was going on with things every few weeks. Maybe she cut me off because she wanted to try something with this other guy? I know she had a crush on me back when I was married. I think I deal with feelings in my head more than real life and there is a strong disconnect, but I was trying to initiate a RT and be close friends with her. I do not know if I will find someone who will love me but it showed me I can care for someone else and yes be in a happy relationship again. This sounds lame but it is a very important step for me in this very long process. It means I do not have to only wait for my crazy ex or be alone forever with no intimacy for anyone else. This was not a RT that developed at all, but I can get into one and recipicate even with that rude gesture while she kept texting me all back and forth.

... weird unless you have been divorced yourself to understand this concept as this was something I had to experience first. I guess I can date again is what I am trying to say.

I am tired and have things to do so TTFN.
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